Recent research on homeopathic cures and folk remedies for various obscure and quasi-legitimate conditions has led to my discovery of a curious substance known as Hepar Sulphuris. Invented by the declared “father of homeopathy,” Samuel Hahnemann, it is made with the inner layer of oyster shells and flowers of sulfur. Like other such dubious wonder remedies as strychnine, H.S. has a sort of backward effect, that is, large quantities of the substance would in fact cause in “normal” people the very symptoms that it cures in the unbalanced individual. Case in point: Strychnine is described on Wikipedia as “one of the bitterest substances known” and is said to cause muscle convulsions and eventually death by asphyxiation or “sheer exhaustion.” But small doses are used as a stimulant and to ease stomach ailments, and were commonly consumed as a cure-all for a drinking problem. This “hair of the dog” method was popular in early homeopathy, and it was widely believed that symptoms could be reversed with very small doses of substances that create them. This theory in itself is counterintuitive (but also so unlikely that it just might work), but I find that I am drawn into even more confusing territory when I try to make the tenuous connection between physical/chemical processes and complex human personalities that such a cure presumes. Naturally, my rational mind is incapable of conceiving of any of this stuff literally, so I am resigned to appreciating its allegorical symbolism in my unquenchable desire to find some meaning there.
The intrigue of oysters as bizarre and sexual creatures aside (see related link in side bar), Hepar Sulphuris held an even greater fascination for me because of the vagueness of the symptoms it is purported to cure. Perfectly suited for many a misanthropic literary character, (think J.K. Huysman’s Duc Jean Floressa des Esseintes, a personal hero of mine), this medicine is essentially offering a cure-all for the introverted, depressed, neurotic soul, the type that resigns itself to bodily decay, devoting all of its energies instead to satiating abstruse and highly particular aesthetic yearnings. In fact, the standard description I found on the Internet for Hepar Sulphuris patients could almost be mistaken for Huysman’s descriptions of the Duc’s physical condition in A Rebours:
The patient is overly sensitive to pain, touch, and cold. Pains are sharp, as if a splinter or piece of glass were being poked into the skin. A sore throat may feel like a fish bone is stuck in it and the pain increases upon swallowing. The slightest pressure causes much pain and the patient may faint from the pain. The patient cannot tolerate the cold and any exposure to cold air causes chills. If a hand or foot slips outside the bedcovers the patient will become chilled. Any slight exertion will cause the patient to perspire. The patient's sweat is cold and profuse and smells sour and offensive, like rotten cheese. Bodily discharges are yellow and thick and also smell offensive. If a cough is present, it is a dry, hacking cough with rattling of mucus in the chest.
The typical Hepar sulph. patients are delicate, oversensitive persons who tend to be scrawny in build and have enlarged glands. They are slow persons with flabby muscles, and often have light hair. They catch cold easily, dislike the cold, crave sour foods such as pickles and vinegar, and may dislike fats.
Mentally they are irritable, impulsive, angry, obstinate, anxious, fearful, impatient, sad, and depressed. They are very hard to get along with. Nothing pleases them and they dislike company. Often the desire to commit violence is present. They have poor memories. The Hepar sulph. patient is usually in a hurry--he drinks and eats fast and talks rapidly.
…elegiac, lamenting prose that spoke to my every endeavor to unlock the mysteries of the human soul. It is a romantic and rather fanciful notion that there is something in oyster shells powerful enough to cure all of these problems in such an afflicted individual. The lore of oysters as peculiar and potent creatures has a long history, and I will continue to delight in the human tendency to assign esoteric qualities to otherwise meaningless physical objects/beings. The major worry with using this product, once we have decided to put faith in its validity, is: how can one be sure any of these symptoms exist in oneself? As I imparted earlier, H.S. will only have the desired affect on those that already possess such qualities; in all others, it will have the opposite effect. What if someone is right on the border between normal and neurotic; would hepar sulphuris exacerbate or subtly improve? The subtlety of the symptoms, as well as the difficulty in distinguishing between the physical and the psychological (i.e. the “real” and the “imagined”?) only adds to the haziness of such a solution. I mean, doesn't the description simply conjure an image of an especially uptight curmudgeon with smelly discharge? Is this something for which there is a cure? Or is it the result of built up frustration and bitterness in an already finicky individual who doesn't seem to care much about their physical health?
Of course, to most people, the idea of such a simple cure for these complex neuroses is unlikely, but in those of us that feel like we just don’t function in quite a normal way it offers, if nothing else, the belief that all of these scattered sensitivities and particularities are somehow related, and should be treated as such. Faith in such a cure surely depends on a non-scientific worldview, or at the very least a suspension of our more literal, empirical mindset. This may be objectionable to some, but I have come to a certain understanding or compromise, if you will, whereby the answers to such arcane troubles can only be found in equally arcane solutions.